Written 10.9.2017 published 14.12.2025

Once a year I hope to read a good book, interesting maybe, a page turner if possible but when I read one that profoundly moves me then that’s when I get really excited and perplexed all at the same time. I recently read ‘Tribe’ by Sebastian Junger but prior to this I had listened to a number of podcasts by Daniel Strauss, Raspberry Ape Episode 27 that had talked about ‘Tribe”. I find myself listening to more podcasts this year mainly hosted by men and conversations on BJJ, MMA, the mindset of celebrities, scientific research on reishi, lion’s mane, gut ad more; I was intrigued to hear continual conversations about where we belong. I guess you take it for granted you know where you’re from, familial life, heritage, ethinicity. I read a quote today that said “Every next level of your life will demand a different you”, now that is true. I am not the same person I was 3 years ago, even 10 years ago but is that because my “tribe” changes and therefore I change? Or is it because I change depending on who I’m with, partner, circumstances, various friends, family, work?

I looked up the word “Tribe” just to truly understand in my mind what this word actually means. Independently, I would say it was a “label” that defines a group of people who travel, live, grow up together, share experiences and are nomads. There is something historical about the word as if it should be extinct and we refer to it in the history books.  But I know how modern society loves to label so the label has stuck to differentiate us rather than positively define us.

The general meaning I found online from a few dictionaries was “a social division in a traditional society consisting of families or communities…” Wikipedia described a tribe as “dependent on their land for their livelihood, who are largely self-sufficient, and not integrated into the national society”. (Funny, I thought a tribe would be it’s own society?).

Does the word tribe make us ask the existential question, “who am I if I don’t have a tribe and where do I fit in if at all?” The book certainly did for me, Sebastian discusses being among soldiers of war and that feeling of safety, everyone rallying around you, this stranger will die for me and will die to protect me. The only time I sense this is with “family”. I have always believed this is how family feel about one another, but being an adult I’m not so sure if this is true? The microcosm is never a reflection of the macrocosm and that’s when the struggle begins.

So, thinking back on a group that is self-suffient, dependent on the land and living by your values within a group that has chosen it and decided to live their life by it sounds great, right? Then why can’t we be happy without the excesses in our lives, without the luxuries, without the choices. We have accepted capitalism and consumerism to become a way of life, a way of defining ourselves over others, a way of measuring our successes and failures. Who says it’s a failure to oppose that lifestyle and choose a different lifestyle. We analyse celebrity exposure as a way of seeing vast amounts of wealth that cannot equate to personal happiness or satisfaction. And I asked myself to answer some of these questions, I need to ask in all of this who is my tribe? Because the question came from a podcast discussing BJJ and the bond you build on the mats, I looked ay my gym buddy tribes. I have a boxing tribe, a Ladies that Lift tribe, friends, family all that I would call tribes. The problem is I felt confused, l really couldn’t tell you where I am from, a part of my ancestral tribe it unknown to me. I know I have Egyptian and Mauritian blood in me, but could I tell you about my grandparents or there parents, no.

My tribe are what close family I have left and that consists of seven people, how do I define myself in the world with such a small number? do I need to? I do define myself by my work, my friends, the people I socialise with, my partner because they have contributed to who I am. And who I am is no longer definable by heritage, generations of the past, environmental, sociological or anthropological past but who I am in the here and now. But my DNA can tell me who I was related to, my gene cells will define my predictive behaviour based on past generations, my medical history can be deduced from my ancestors but in the 21st Century I do not think of who I am defined by history but by my tribe and my tribe changes with time.

Today I ask again who am I and who, where are my tribe? My Dad shell shocked me last year with telling me he was married and still is and that I have a half brother. Today I met my brother and questioned my existence as to who am I? My identity, my name, being female, my role in the family, was I grateful I got to spend more years with my strict, religious, over protective father or now knowing his fear of being an illegal immigrant for so long explains why he was such a controlling man. I never knew he was a muslim and I never knew he was married. In fact, there’s a lot I don’t know about him but maybe that is “generational thing”. So many secrets, so many lies, one wishes to forget so you do now have to confirm or affirm which is which especially if you do not remember.

What moved me the most in ‘Tribe’ was the loss soldiers felt when returning to society. How do we as a Society comprehend what those who train in the skills required to save lives and develop whatever it takes physically, mentally, visually and psychologically to deal with trauma; I cannot fathom it. I cannot imagine it, I am in awe of it. I find writing incredibly cathartic and everyone has a story to tell. I am sure my history would be a 12 boxset season on Netflix. What also moved me, was the question “what am I doing to make a difference in the world?”. Am I procrastinating and over thinking, should I be podcasting, questioning, discussing global issues and how we could change them. Who am I that someone will listen, do I know enough, will I sound stupid? But that’s insecurity talking and that is social conditioning from fear. If we could identify everything single habit, conditioning, constructs, victorian attitudes, values and listen to an honesty from within, this world would be such a different place.